Napkins and Information Security

Security Breach!

I was recently dinged in an office security check for not locking a desk drawer in my cubicle. In my defense, I had locked all drawers that contained any company documents, but apparently my judgment was incorrect in leaving another drawer unlocked.

However, in the spirit of the WikiLeaks controversy, I will now publish a summary of the sensitive contents of the drawer in question. 

• Chipotle napkins -- clearly these napkins have crossed the border illegally
• Plastic forks -- obviously weapons
• Salt, Pepper, Wendy's Hot Chili Seasoning -- biochemical weapons
• Assorted US Coinage -- likely utilized in nefarious deals for the above-mentioned weapons
• Soy Sauce -- evidence of working with the Chinese
• Tong's Thai Menu --  Note: certain contents of this sensitive foreign correspondence have been redacted to protect the general public, especially those items marked "***3 Hot", "****4 Very hot", and "*****5 Extreme Hot".

I am conferring with the New York Times on whether to disclose further information which may prove harmful to the fast-food industry.